running in the dark

so honestly... i don't know where i'm going in life. and it's kinda scary.
i got home last night... the first time i've been home since may. and the only person home was my dad... asleep on the floor. mom and anna were at the store, jonathan was working late, and caleb's on a mission trip in nashville. so i chilled by myself for a while and then decided i'd go for a run. so i take off down our street and i get about halfway to the bridge and all of a sudden i realize that it is pitch black out, and the cow pen is next to me, and i can't see anything and i started hearing noises, and yeah, i freaked out. i run to the bridge, turn around and like sprint back. not the long nice run i was looking for. so i decide to go run around our basketball court. as i do... i'm running in circles, it starts raining and i start thinking more about my life... where i'm headed, what in the world i'm gonna do with social work, what's gonna work out with study abroad... and what i'll do if i can't go to the middle east. and i'm scared. kinda like when i was running down the road a few minutes ago. only, i not only feel scared and it's dark... but i'm running around in circles... yeah, like i was doing. all of a sudden, i see these two big scary objects over by the cows. i thought they were the cows at first, but they weren't, cuz the cows were off to the right. and i thought they were people. ok, i am not afraid of the dark, but i totally freaked out last night... don't know what my problem was. and then, weird, i felt God speaking to my heart. "kara... go over there." ha!! YEAH RIGHT!!! like i'm gonna go over there. about 30 times more around the court i'm like, ok, fine. and i walk over to the two creepy objects moving by the fence. as i get near, the light from the house shines out on them and i discover two brand new seedling trees that someone had planted. and i felt God saying, "dude kara... will you just trust me? it looks scary, and dark, but if you hold my hand i'll shine the light on your life and you'll find it to just be a beautiful little tree that i'm growing... not a big scary monster that will jump out and devour you." super kewl. and then... you wanna hear a funny story? yeah... so we have this swing, it's like a teeter toter swing... and it's my favorite place to just sit, and look at the cows and the stars and talk to Jesus... well, i go over to it, sit down, put my feet up... just like i always do, and BOOM!!! it cracks and i am on the ground. i don't think my butt has ever hurt that bad. yow!!! ha!! :)
so i guess my thoughts for today are... i'm scared. i don't know where i'm going or what i'm doing... but i don't want to run down the dark road by myself. i wanna trust Jesus to shine the light and illuminate the way he wants me to go so that i can see as he lights the way for me.