boys, busy-ness, needing rest, revival and Jesus!

i have noticed this about me. as i like boys my heart gets super excited and then feels let down, or just like quivers... standing perfectly still, trying not to hope, but longing for a reason to hope at the same time. it's really strange. it's like constantly playing the "he loves me, he loves me not" game. and it's emotionally exhausting. do i think that at times that if there was a significant other in my life that all of a sudden my heart would stop flying and then nose diving? because that's not true. i think that even one day if i am married my heart will rise and fall. You, Jesus are the only one whose love doesn't send me soaring only to find myself plummeting into the depths. i don't play that game with you. your love is satisfying and constant and i am always soaring because your love never changes. and i ask myself... why can't that be enough for me? why do i continuously find myself liking certain persons even after promising to give them up? is this inconsistent in my walk with you? is it possible to love another and you at the same time? or is that a form of adultery in my heart? is marriage truly what you have created for us or are we serving two masters... you and our heart? if we cannot serve both God and money, how can we serve both a lover and a God?

that's what i was thinking all day today. what do you think?
i read these verses today... my life has been so crazy and i've been really struggling... to find rest, to find peace, to find time to breathe. relationships are really hard right now and i'm fighting to keep them healthy and be all that i can be to all the people in my life, and i am drained. school is difficult... classes are hard and homework is plentiful. revival starts tomorrow. i am ready to be revived. i am ready to go through four days of just sitting and reflecting on my relationship with Jesus and am ready to hear from him. today i found these verses and they spoke to my heart... and i think the end is kinda funny. sorry boys, sorry Mom, if this offends you... but it's in the bible!! :) may His peace rest on you today... and may it rest on me. and may he answer the questions of our hearts and fill our hearts with desires that are inline with his will.

In repentence and rest is your salvation,
In quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
He rises to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for Him!
O, you will weep no more.
How gracious He will be when you cry for help!
As soon as He hears, He will answer you!
Whether you turn to the right or to the left,
your ears will hear a voice behind you saying,
"This is the way, walk in it."
Then you will defile your idols overlaid with silver
and covered with gold;
You will throw them away like a menstrual cloth
and say to them, "Away with you!"
-Isaiah 30:15,18-19, 21-22