"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives: he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." -Matthew 7:7-8-
I never really realized how dangerous it is to ask God for things or to seek Him... because His promise IS true. When you ask you receive. When you seek you find. It's dangerous. There's a Relient K song that talks about how I don't know what I'm getting myself into... and sometimes that's so the truth.
Lately I've been asking God to make me into a woman of wisdom. James 3:17-18 says:
"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness." In a Bible Study with several of the dear women in my life here on campus, we had a revelation. If we want to be wise we have to be all of these things... and to rate ourself on a scale of wisdom, we can figure out where we're at by looking at the inverse of those characteristics of wisdom and then see which ones are in our lives so we can rid ourselves of them. So let's see... there's the opposite of pure, which would be impurity both in action physically and in thoughts and comments both an area I struggle with, there's the opposite of peace-loving which would be somebody who's not peaceful. Girls are good at being drama queens, stirring up dissension... I need to rid myself of anything that doesn't cause peace. Then there's the opposite of considerate which would include being rude, or possibly even making others feel uncomfortable even if it's funny... I can be good at that and wow, that's so not wise! There's the opposite of submission... which would include pride, there's the opposite of being full of mercy and good fruit which I think a big area I struggle with is being judgmental. It's sooo easy to judge people and that's not wise! And often it's incredibly foolish because my presumptions are way off and I need to give others the benefit of the doubt. And the opposite of impartial is showing favorites, and the opposite of being sincere is being fake... not real. How easy it is to cover up what's going on and pretend like I've got it all together. And finally, people who cultivate wisdom in their life are peacemakers. Am I truly a peacemaker?
So I've been considering all this and praying that God would help me to be wise, that I could truly rid myself of these attributes because before I can work on cultivating purity, peace, consideration, submission, mercy, good fruit, impartiality, and sincerity I first have to stop being impure, a drama queen, rude, inconsiderate, selfish, proud, judgmental, a favorites player, jealous, and fake. And I have been wowed in the process. Since I began praying that God would help me to become a wise woman He has asked me to obey Him at least 3 times.
In each of the situations I feel like Esther, the woman my Bible Study for this week thus far has focused on. Esther was put in a unique situation and had an incredible choice to make. She could choose to go to the King and put her own life on the line in a radical attempt to save her people and make a difference for them, or she could choose to be selfish and not do that. I love what Mordecai says to her in Esther 4:13-14:
"Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Wow... even had Esther chosen to not obey God's leading and go to the King, God still would have been faithful and provided a way to save His people... but the story probably wouldn't have been as cool.
And then I think about Moses... how when God called him in the Burning Bush Moses said, "God I can't do that!!" And then he argues...
"Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?... "What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say 'The Lord did not appear to you'?"... "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." Moses hardcore doubts God in these 3 passages throughout his encounter with God at the bush. (Exodus 3:11, 4:1, 4:10) And yet God uses him!! Moses doubts the first time and God's like, dude Moses... I got ya. He doubts again and God's like... ok buddy, check out that staff in your hand... you can have miracles as proof that I'm who I say I am and that I'll do what I say I'll do. And Moses doubts a third time and God's like... are you kidding me!?! I gave you your mouth!! I'll give you the words!! And then... wow, Moses says this:
"O Lord, please send someone else to do it." (Exodus 4:13) It says that the Lord's anger burned against Moses, but then he tells Moses he'll send Aaron, Moses' brother with him.
How would the story have been different had Moses stepped up to the challenge the first time God called him and not doubted? What if there were no crazy miracles or Aaron in the story? How much more crazy would the story have been? Would God have been glorified in Moses' life in an even greater way than He was? And yet, the part that amazes is me is that
God still used Moses!! God still worked in spite of Moses' doubts and fears. And God promised that even had Esther not been the one to carry out his plan that He'd devise another plan and bring redemption from elsewhere. Huh. Crazy to think about. Makes me want to be an Esther... to get in on all the action possible. Makes me sad about the way I've not been obedient in the past, yet hopeful because tomorrow (even in the few minutes left in today) I can obey Him the first time even if it rips me up inside!!
Remember that verse I started with? If we ask we'll receive, if we seek we'll find? I'm not wise yet, but I'm definitely receiving and finding. I asked God to make me wise and so He put me in three huge places where I had the option of obeying Him or not. Sure, He'd still go with me if I didn't say yes, but it could be so much better if I just said yes. So I said yes.
1. I'm an RA for Freshmen Girls.
2. I'm single. (That sounds kinda weird, but I almost wasn't.)
3. I gave my favorite Bible away Sunday.
The first one was a huge sacrifice, but a sweet experience and I was and am really excited to be where I am. The second one hurt like crazy... worse than anything before, but once I finally obeyed... after a few days of not obeying and toying with the idea of being selfish and following me, God totally filled me with peace. That's still hard and yeah, being single sucks. (Pardon the strength of that word... but it does.) But it's right right now. And the third one, I can't even describe how hard that was and how much it still hurts. I'm so excited for Ashley and I know that God will transform her as she reads the word and I'm sooo excited for her, but I miss that book. The past 3 years are in those pages. When Grandma got cancer until she died there are so many verses I highlighted and wrote memos about in the margins. I gave that away and I don't want to forget. Egypt's there. Before Tomorrow is there. People I was praying for are there. But my dear friend Allison is right. That book isn't the sole Word of God and the Bible I'm using now is the same... and it's ok!! And I'm learning to trust in God in the craziest hardest way I ever have before. And I guess all I can say is that although it hurts... it's so sweet.
Funny story... Sunday after I gave the Bible away I was crying and just sad realizing what I'd just done... not at all regreting it... I hope that makes sense... I wouldn't take it back if Ashley tried to give it to me... but I've just never been asked to make such a sacrifice before. I'm crying and the guys in my band are like "Was that a special Bible?" Ha... duh! And Harrison's like, "Kara let's cheer you up and sing a song!" I'm like... "Dude, Harold I don't wanna sing." And so he's like, "Ok, I'll sing for you..."
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus!
Just to take Him at His word!
Jesus Jesus... How I trust Him...
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er!!
Tears just flowed... Harrison's like, "Kara, was that the wrong song!?! I'm sooo sorry I'll sing a different one!!" And I'm like, "No, please, Harrison... sing it again!" Grandma told me that over and over and over again... "Tis SO sweet to trust in Jesus!" When she died her last words to me were, "Kara Joy, I love you. Keep trusting Jesus. Never stop loving Jesus. Keep trusting Jesus." I promised her I would, and so I am.
I hurt, but it is SO sweet to trust in Jesus.
Do it. It'll rip you up, and it's dangerous cuz He's so real...
But it's SO worth it.
-Kara Joy
Oh taxis... the news report read that the streets were empty in Ramallah except for the few taxis who braved out in the weather, but they frequently required help to keep moving. Nothing like America... it's kind of nice... no matter where you break down you can count on 10 people to help, even though they're complete strangers. Ah, the Middle East!!
